Heaven Knows

Putting my hands up to cover my ears, I alternately squinted and gazed at the letters. "Try as I may, I just do not see it." The calligraphy before me was brilliant, certainly. Every intricate detail brought to life with just the tip of the quill, its upstrokes were magnificent, its downstrokes a masterpiece. Sam shook his head at me, "Perhaps you should not see it, perhaps you will hear it." At the opera, the highest note made me break out in a cold sweat, while the violins and cellos led the tears from my heart and set them free at the rims of my eyes. Afterward, I said to Sam, "Yes, it was exquisite. But still, I did not hear it." Two days had passed when I opened the door to Sam's hand clutching a small bottle. "Hi," he said. "Who knows, if neither image nor sound reveals it to you, odour just might." Uncorked, the most delicate scent sought its way into my room and then on into my nose. It made me feel shy, or humble. "This is extraordinary, I feel moved." "But you cannot smell it." "No." That night, we made love. Exhausted, fulfilled, I lay my hand on his chest and stared at his glossy, brown hair. "That was amazing. Thank you for making it so." His face invisible to me in the midnight dark, he wondered, "Did you feel it, though?" Hesitating, I confessed, "Of all things I felt, which were wonderful, no, that I did not feel." In the morning, Sam woke me holding a plate of French toast and strawberries, my favourite fruit. "Taste it. Forget your eyes, ears, nerves and nose and just taste it." I did as he said and concentrated on the taste buds on my tongue. The strawberries were richer, redder, more juicy, more themselves than ever. However, I could not taste it either. My head in my arms, I started to cry. "Why, why can I not see, hear, smell, feel or taste it? Why can I not sense the divine? Where should I go that it is hidden, the touch of God? The spark of life, those index fingers outstretched on the famous Roman ceiling, where should I go?" His hand caressing mine, Sam gently lifted my head from the breakfast table. "What made you think you should go anywhere at all?" Through the filter of my tears I looked straight at him. Then I saw it. I saw it in his eyes. A journey begun. First, I heard it in his voice. It was in every word, in each whispered sound. Soon, I smelled it in his breath. And immediately, I felt it in his hands. It was in his flesh and in his blood. Finally, I tasted it in his kiss. Truly, now, the kiss of life. I sensed it in Sam. I sensed it and I recognized it with indescribable joy and I knew it was there. I knew it was good and then, then we did everything all over again and all was new.

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