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The only way to go

Lonely in this mission, an untitled mission, that began eons ago, or so it seems. What's to become of it? I don't know. After all these years I still don't know what I'm working for, but you know what, even though there's still that drive inside me-to discover what I don't even understand, it's not driving me insane anymore. I can do other things, I can use my energy in other ways, because-let's be honest, putting all that effort in, and never knowing if you'll ever figure it out, or get anything back, is pretty risky. People may say, how can you try to find answers to questions you don't even have, how can you cry over something you don't even understand, and how, when you are exhausted and ill, still persist with all your might that you will be the one to complete it? Maybe this doesn't make any sense, it doesn't to me either, and this is the only time I have ever tried to write it down. In my head-it seems quite rational, but rereading what I have written, it seems to make no sense at all. Maybe though, that's what I'm trying to get at, in a roundabout way, that it doesn't make any more sense to me than you.
I feel like Russel Crowe in 'A Beautiful Mind', when he realises all his work, all that time, all he has ever worked on, was never really there. But to him it was. To him it was real. My perception of that was, that if you believe in something enough, it is true, if for all his life he had believed those people were there, forcing him to do this work, then are they not real? In a more simple way, if-perhaps, I was to see the colour red, but I was told it was blue, for years, then that would be all I had ever known, your red would be my blue, but what is to say that you are right and I am wrong? Why must it be red and not blue? In the same way, why must those people not be real when Crowe see's them day and night, and can feel them, and knows they are real. So if this mission, never existed for anyone, apart from me, it's still very real, because for years it has been niggling away at me, and I know it is there, no doubt about it. I am telling you that.
Ofcourse, you may be reading, and thinking, I do understand, I have that mission too, isn't it inside everyone? Does she think she's unique? Or maybe what you have inside isn't quite like a mission, it's a little different for me too, but you can't uite describe it, can't quite pinpoint it. Maybe you can just about catch on to what I am saying. Maybe.
Perhaps it's more like instinct, everyone has that, and my instinct are telling me this is the only way to go, to follow this path wherever it may lead me. So that's where I'll go, and you may not understand, or you may understand just what I am feeling but I know deep inside me what I'm trying to find. Don't think this is bad either, and don't think it's forfilling, it's neither, it just must be done-and I must do it.
I\'M OFF LAUGHING ... LOL
[HOT VIDEO] I\'M OFF LAUGHING ... LOL

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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

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