Things Not To Say When Hanging The Lights

Did you know that hanging lights on a Christmas tree is one of
the three most stressful situations in an on-going relationship?

Psychiatrists claim the other two danger zones are teaching your
mate to drive and wallpapering. They are rarely wrong on these
things. We rush to print with an emergency prompt list of Things
Not To Say When Hanging Lights on the Christmas Tree.

-- "You've got two red lights right next to each other, dummy.
You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow,
red, red, green, blue..."

-- "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

-- "What the hell do you do to these lights when you put them
away every year? Tie them in knot?"

-- "Come away from that aluminum ladder, kids. I'm going to fry
that sucker."

-- "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't
just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than
your father."

-- "Give me that!"

-- "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The
electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not
up at the top."

-- "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

-- "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed
it shouldn't look like a spiral this year?"

-- "Have you been drinking?"

-- "Where's the cat?"