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Christmas Q & A

Q. Why do reindeer have red noses?
A. They are not equipped with ABS and thus tend to bump into
things on slippery surfaces. This is why Santa is often seen
with a red nose (the sleigh doesn't have an airbag, either).

Q. Why does Santa use Elves?
A. There is no trade union for Elves. They're easy to exploit.

Q. Is there really a Mrs. Claus?
A. Highly unlikely. Since Santa is surrounded by male figures
(Elves, reindeer named Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen etc.) his sexual
preference seems to tend towards homosexuality. He is said to
have some problems finding a gerontophile/zoophile Elf for a
threesome with a reindeer, though.

Q. Does Santa really live on the North Pole?
A. Uncertain. However, rumor has it that the story of Santa and
the North Pole has nothing to do with the Arctic, but that
Santa is known to frequently ask the Elves and reindeer if he
can shove his pole up north. Obviously, this is related to
the cryptic description "up where the sun don't shine", which
applies to both the North Pole and *ssh*les in general.

Q. Does Santa really work all year round making toys?
A. Get real! Check the box in which the Christmas gift came! Does
it say "Made at the North Pole"? ("Made in China" more likely!)

Q. Then what does he DO all year?
A. Uncertain. Chasing Elves and reindeer, most likely. Maybe he
spends his winters in Florida.

Q. Is the story about the little angel and the Christmas tree true?
A. Without a doubt. Santa has a temper and can develop a nasty
attitude (he doesn't take stress too well).

Q. If so, why do the little angels on Christmas trees look happy
(given the fact they have a tree up theirs)?
A. Little angels are known to be kinky.

Q. Do the polar bears on the North Pole cause Santa any trouble?
A. Not since Santa equipped the guard Elves with M-61 submachine

Q. So Santa is basically a gun-crazy, homosexual, angry old man
who exploits little Elves, fools around all day, and drives
around in a sleigh that lacks basic security measures?
A. You forgot about the bestiality thing.
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