Which Is Best?

CONTROVERSY: Should the tree be real or fake?

YUPPIE:
Live tree, planted after use

MALE:
Fake tree, discarded after use

FEMALE:
Grow tree in house, adorned with fruits

REALITY:
Fake tree stays up until May, adorned with fur-balls

CONTROVERSY: Should tree lights twinkle or stay constant?

YUPPIE:
Each bulb blinks to its own random rhythm

MALE:
Bulbs flash logo of football team

FEMALE:
Elegant flickering candles

REALITY:
Tree bursts into flames, burns house down

CONTROVERSY: Should tree be topped with an angel or a star?

YUPPIE:
Gender-neutral angel; no submissive female stereotype

MALE:
Blonde angel, kneeling, in a wet T-shirt

FEMALE:
Authentic angel explains true meaning of Christmas

REALITY:
Hell's Angel steals the tree and the gifts

CONTROVERSY: Do ya fling or hang tinsel?

YUPPIE:
Empower each strand with self-determining skills

MALE:
Six large clumps of tinsel on front of tree

FEMALE:
Each icicle hangs like strand of delicate artwork

REALITY:
More icicles on floor than on tree

CONTROVERSY: Do ya open gifts on Christmas Eve or morning?

YUPPIE:
Gifts opened on posted, individual schedules so all enjoy surprise

MALE:
Anytime, just so it doesn't interfere with football

FEMALE:
Anytime the entire family is present

REALITY:
Doesn't matter, everyone's peeked anyway

CONTROVERSY: Ham or Turkey for Christmas Dinner?

YUPPIE:
Baked Tofu Balls stuffed with wheat germ

MALE:
Anything, as long as there's plenty of both it...and beer

FEMALE:
A meal the entire family plans and prepares

REALITY:
Chinese carry-out or McDonald's