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A Christmas Message From Santa's Evil Twin

You think you got it bad? All night long, soot in the chimneys,
smelly socks, cross dogs, shot at, mistaken for a stork, driving
all night in the snow - d*mn near got killed by a 747. Mrs.
Clause is p*ssed off cause I got in so late.

Donner and Blitzen and Rudolph got you-know-what over Albuquerque
and you should see my suit. The d*mn elves won't clean the sleigh
unless I pay them double time.

I'm so sick of cookies and milk, I could vomit. The only highball
I had all night was when I slipped getting out of my sleigh.

My prostate is giving me hell. I pee'd my pants at 20,000 feet
and froze my butt to the seat. I'm allergic to pine needles. I
itch all over and I think my hemorrhoids are back.

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