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Santa Converts!

Exhausted and overworked, Santa Claus has decided to convert to
Judaism to lessen his workload and decrease his stress.

Mr. Claus' first inkling that Judaism was his new intended path,
was when he was unloading one particularly heavy bag of gifts and
muttered "Oy Oy Oy!" instead of "Ho Ho Ho!" Santa took this as
divine inspiration and began some serious reflection on the matter.

Mr. Claus sat down at his desk in the North Pole and itemized the
benefits of bringing toys to Jewish children. Most obvious was
that there were much less children to service, approximately
3,000,000 Jewish children, as opposed to almost 500,000,000
Christian children.

The next obvious benefit was that he had eight days of Hanukah to
deliver all of these gifts instead of jamming the entire shipment
into one night, which constantly required the already weary Santa
to travel at the speed of light to accomplish the task.

Finally, the straw that broke the reindeer's back was the
realization that Jewish households had far more delicious cuisine
to offer. Gefilte fish, chicken soup, blintzes, knishes and the
like are more palatable than the milk and cookies he got bored of
after the second century.

Circumcision won't be necessary for Santa, because that's already
been taken care of in a freak accident involving frostbite after
getting stuck in a tight chimney.

Santa has left the frigid, brutal confines of the North Pole and
has begun his toy shop anew in the sunny climes of Miami Beach,
Florida. He has fired all of those annoying elves and replaced
them with nice Jewish retirees from New York.

The last piece of the puzzle is legally changing his name to
something more in line with his new ethnic atmosphere. Beginning
Hanukah 2003, Santa Claus will henceforth be known as the
Clausenburger Rebbe.
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

Downloads: 5425