Explore
Category
-
Funny Video & Movies
- Funny Video & Movies
- Funny animal videos
- Funny cat videos
- Funny dog videos
- Funny car videos
- Funny game videos
- Funny Asian videos
- Funny video commercials
- Funny sports & games videos
- Funny kid videos
- Funny sexy videos
- Funny cartoon videos
- Funny adult videos
- Funny celebrity videos
- Funny stupid videos
- Funny romance videos
- Funny man videos
- Funny woman videos
- Funny gay & lesbian videos
- Funny political videos
- Funny work/office videos
- Funny movie trailers
- Funny music videos
- Funny football videos
- Funny family videos
- Funny travel videos
- Funny science videos
- Funny halloween videos
- Funny Christmas videos
- Funny Valentine videos
- Funny thanksgiving videos
-
Funny Cartoons
- Funny Cartoons
- Greeting card cartoons
- Funny sexy cartoons
- Funny political cartoons
- Funny Thanksgiving cartoons
- Funny animals cartoons
- Funny dog cartoons
- Funny animated cartoons
- Funny women cartoons
- Funny wedding cartoons
- Funny drunk cartoons
- Funny nude cartoons
- Crazy frog cartoons
- Funny work cartoons
- Funny Christmas cartoons
- Funny Birthday cartoons
- Funny cat cartoons
- Funny sport cartoons
- Funny gay cartoons
- Funny men cartoons
- Funny police cartoons
- Funny love cartoons
- Funny kid cartoons
- Funny Flashes
- Funny Sounds
-
Funny Ringtones
- Funny Ringtones
- Funny ringtones
- Exciting ringtones
- Mystery ringtones
- Nature ringtones
- Romantic ringtones
- War ringtones
- Halloween ringtones
- New Year & Xmas ringtones
- Techno ringtones
- Valentine ringtones
- DJ ringtones
- Scary ringtones
- Crazy ringtones
- Movie ringtones
- Music ringtones
- Funny animal ringtones
- Alien ringtones
- Accessory ringtones
- Bell ringtones
- Mosquito ringtones
- Human sound ringtones
- Instrumental ringtones
- Arabic ringtones
- Kids ringtones
- Rock ringtones
- Ethnic ringtones
- Happy birthday ringtones
- Rap ringtones
- Breakdance ringtone
- Voice ringtones
- Opera ringtones
- Games ringtones
- Lounge ringtones
- Funny instrument ringtones
- Drunk ringtones
- Laugh ringtones
- Electronic melody ringtone
- Dirty ringtone
- Miscellaneous ringtones
- Thanksgiving ringtones
- Mouse ringtones
- Baby ringtones
-
Audio Clips
- Audio Clips
- Effects audio clip
- Funny audio clip
- Music audio clip
- Weird audio clip
- Erotic audio clip
- Christmas audio clip
- Halloween/scary audio clip
- Birthday audio clip
- Laugh audio clip
- Animal audio clip
- Nature audio clip
- Voice audio clip
- Scream audio clip
- Instrumental audio clip
- Non-vocal songs
- MIDI Store
- Funny Remixes
- Funny Song Parodies
-
Funny Pictures
- Funny Pictures
- Animal photos
- Baby pictures
- Car photos
- Celebrity photos
- Funny photos
- Holidays photos
- House pictures
- Kiss pictures
- New world wonder photos
- Pet gallery
- Playboy photos
- Sportsmen photo
- War photos
- Wedding photos
- Valentine pictures
- Halloween pictures
- American Idol photos
- Black and White pictures
- Christmas photos
- Tattoo pictures
- Winter photos
- Summer photos
- Autumn photos
- Spring photos
- Beach photos
- Sunset photos
- Aerial photos
- Prom pictures
- Flower pictures
- Country photos
- 7 world wonders photos
- Garden pictures
- Movie picture
- Thanksgiving pictures
- Miscellaneous pictures
-
Wallpapers
- Wallpapers
- Animated/Cartoon Wallpaper
- Funny Wallpaper
- Celebrity Wallpaper
- Sexy Wallpaper
- 3D and Digital art Wallpaper
- Valentine/Love Wallpaper
- Nature Wallpaper
- Game Wallpaper
- Movie Wallpaper
- Music Wallpaper
- Christmas Wallpaper
- Flower Wallpaper
- Beach Wallpaper
- Final fantasy Wallpaper
- Car Wallpaper
- Animal Wallpaper
- Landscape Wallpaper
- Art Wallpaper
- Photograph Wallpaper
- Space Wallpaper
- Sport Wallpaper
- Military Wallpaper
- Model Wallpaper
- Bikini Wallpaper
- Thanksgiving Wallpaper
-
Funny Jokes
- Funny Jokes
- Kid jokes
- Blonde jokes
- Adult jokes
- Political jokes
- Family jokes
- School jokes
- Clean jokes
- Funny quotes
- Lawyer quotes
- Bar Jokes
- Free jokes
- Animal jokes
- Business jokes
- Celebrities jokes
- Christmas jokes
- Computer jokes
- Condom jokes
- Crazy jokes
- Dirty jokes
- Drunk jokes
- Food jokes
- Gays & Lesbians jokes
- Gender jokes
- Holidays jokes
- Job jokes
- Lawyer jokes
- Marriage jokes
- Medical jokes
- Office jokes
- Redneck jokes
- Sex jokes
- Sports jokes
- Women jokes
- Work jokes
- Halloween jokes
- Thanksgiving jokes
-
Short Stories
- Short Stories
- Best short story
- Romance/Love short story
- Children short story
- Teen short story
- Christmas short story
- Biography short story
- Funny short story
- Scary/Horror short story
- Classic short story
- American short story
- British short story
- Australian short story
- Fiction short story
- Science fiction short story
- Adult short story
- Family short story
- Gay/Lesbian short story
- Inspirational short story
- Fairy tale short story
- Chicken soup for soul
-
Funny Quizzes
- Quizzes
- Personality quiz
- Romance/love quiz
- Teen quiz
- Movie quiz
- Music quiz
- Funny sex quiz
- Funny Q&A
- Kid quiz
- IQ test
- EQ test
- Animal quiz
- Celebrities quiz
- Entertainment quiz
- Geography quiz
- History quiz
- Literature quiz
- Math quiz
- Science quiz
- People quiz
- Religion quiz
- World quiz
- Funny game
- Humanities quiz
- Hobbies quiz
- Puzzle
- Brain teaser
- Tips
Holidays
Free media tool
Our pages
- AVZIO
- Funny Jokes
- Christmas jokes
- Return Of The Grinch
Return Of The Grinch
Way up in his cave north of Who-ville, the Grinch
Was enjoying retirement; life was a cinch.
He played on his PC and tweaked other hacks
And talked of old times with his aged dog, Max.
He rarely went down to the town of the Whos,
Save to stock up on roast beast and Who-hash and booze.
He preferred not to rub on the slow-healing sore
Of his near-theft of Christmas two decades before.
Well, one day as Grinch sat keyboarding on-line,
Some E-mail arrived of intriguing design:
"Please, Mr. Grinch, let me come visit you."
The message was signed by one "Cindy-Lou Who."
"Cindy-Lou Who," though the Grinch, "Cindy-Lou Who,
"Now, who is this Who name of Cindy-Lou Who?"
He scratched his head hard till his memory expanded -
Ah, she'd been the tot who had caught him red-handed.
All those long years ago when, with devilish glee,
He'd been making away with her folks' Christmas tree!
So Grinch swept his cave of its Grinchy debris,
And combed out his fur to receive company.
This Cindy-Lou Who, who was now twenty-two,
A graduate student at East Who-ville U.,
Her voice was no longer the coo of a dove,
But firm and commanding, as if from Above.
She wasted few words in unveiling her plan:
She wanted the Grinch to steal Christmas - again!
"Since your last theft attempt, time has taken its toll;
"Now Who-ville's Christmas deserves to be stole,"
said Cindy-Lou in a most righteous tone
(Grinch captivated by how much she'd grown!).
"Back then when you took all the presents away,
"We Whos nonetheless celebrated the day.
"But now no one holds hands, and nobody sings.
"All we Whos care for is getting more things.
"The radio broadcasts Yule songs in July,
"To pump up the Whos to get out there and buy,
"Lest Christmas morn, when they rise from their sleep,
"The gifts 'neath the tree aren't eleven feet deep.
"The whole, long ordeal leaves most every-Who stressed,
"Exhausted, debt-ridden and deeply depressed.
"Oh, we must stop this madness, we must, must, must, must!
"Before the day's meaning has turned all to dust."
Said Grinch, "Heaven's sakes, Missy, why come to me?
"I can't steal Christmas - I'm seventy-three."
Said she, "Oh, I know that you'll think of a plan;
"You did it before, you can do it again."
Then she gave to old Grinch, to ensure his enthralled-ness,
A daughterly kiss on his male-pattern baldness,
Making him blush underneath all his fur
And vow to himself, "I will do it - for her."
So Grinchy dug out the old Santy Claus suit
That, in the first heist, was his best attribute.
Then he called his dog, Max, and took some red thread,
And tied a big horn on the doggy's old head.
He hitched up the pooch to a ramshackle sleigh,
Which he filled up with sacks for to haul loot away.
Then he waited for darkness to fall on the town,
And told Max, "Giddap," and began the trip down.
On the south edge of Who-ville, a newly built part,
He came to a stop at the giant Who-Mart.
Grinchily sly, he slunk in a side door
And filled up a sack with goods from Aisle 4.
But he saw as he picked through the toys and CDs,
No bag in the world could contain all of these.
All Christmas was stealable two decades before;
Today you could not make a dent in one store!
Just then he heard footsteps and looked up to see
Security guards coming 'round from Aisle 3.
He tugged on the sack, but he just couldn't budge it;
And time was a-wasting, as Grinchy adjudged it.
So he ran from the store, oh, he ran, ran, ran, ran,
Ran faster than ever in his whole life span.
Flogging poor Max like some poor galley slave,
He barely escaped to his hideaway cave.
Looking down on the town, the Grinch pondered his fix:
"Surely there's more in my old bag of tricks."
On what thing, he wondered, did Christmas depend,
The supply of which he, Grinch, might act to suspend?
"Why, batteries, of course!" he told Max (who just looked).
"Without them, this Christmas' goose will be cooked!"
So, with squirt gun and mask, he headed off straight
With Max and the sleigh to the new Interstate.
"When the truck full of batteries comes down the road,"
The Grinch-jacker chortled, "We'll hijack its load!"
Max, for his part, felt unsure and afraid
To be used, at his age, as a street barricade.
At last came the semi, and Grinchy yelled, "Stop!"
And brandished his squirt gun like some kind of cop.
But the truck just roared on, and it knocked the Grinch flat
And crunched through the sleigh - and, well, that was that.
Lucky for Grinch, he'd just joined HMO -
The truck broke his hinch bone and linch bone and toe.
"I can still use my hands," Grinch told Max (who just snored),
And sat himself down at his PC keyboard.
"I'll make a computer bug cripple and maim
"Every Who-ville computer and video game.
"All Christmas purists will surely admire us
"When they see the effects of our cyberspace virus."
Grinch started to program, oh, he hacked, hacked, hacked,
And soon had a virus all set too attack.
He was poised to press ENTER and set off the plague
When he heard a loud knock on the door of his cave.
"Police! Open up!" came the shout from outside
The hair stood at attention on Grinchy's scared hide
The cops bashed the door down, the impatient toughs;
They read Grinch his rights, and then slapped on the cuffs.
Through Grinch-prints they'd traced him and made the charge stand:
Attempted hijacking and larceny, grand.
Another fact made Grinch's plight still more tender -
He might go to trial as a repeat offender.
And so Grinchy landed in Who-ville's Who's-gow
Along with poor Max, his reluctant bow-bow.
They cowered in corners and tried to steer clear
Of guys with tattoos and lascivious leers.
Then one day a visitor came to see Grinch;
His suit looked hand-tailored, each exquisite inch.
Reading his business card, jailbird Grinch saw:
"Robert Shapir-who, Attorney-at-Law."
"I'm taking your case," said the lawyer, "and, too,
"My fees will be paid by Ms. Cindy-Lou Who.
"I'll make you a hero, role model, the works.
"They'll never convict you, the slow-witted jerks."
Shapir-Who sent Grinch super-agent Mike Who-vitz,
Who soon orchestrated a media-zoo blitz.
Newspapers headlined, "Grinch motives were pure."
Talk-show hosts called his confinement "manure."
A hurry-up movie was made of his plight.
He spoke, live, with Who-prah via satellite.
Everyone talked of his brave, lonely quest
To bring Christmas back to an era more blessed.
His fame soon surpassed more illustrious names,
And led to Grinch dolls, bikes and video games,
Which all hit the shelves just in time for Yule sales,
And made for store profits of unheard-of scales.
"Grinch," said Shapir-who, "with this latest deal,
You're sure to be bigger than Shaquille Who'Neal."
Bigger than Shaq? That thought took Grinch aback!
But he did have endorsements too many to track.
At his trial, crowds applauded when Grinchy stepped forth,
Looking nobly self-righteous as Who-liver North.
His lawyer orated, oh, he talked, talked, talked, talked -
And the jury acquitted the Grinch, in a walk.
After, a limousine whisked Grinchy home -
Not too a cave, but a new pleasure-dome
With thirty-four rooms and a house staff of three,
Who toasted with bubbly his being set free.
Next morning, while Grinch lounged in opulent glitz,
Discussing residuals with agent Who-vitz,
The butler announced with pretentious ado,
"A certain Ms. Who has arrived to see you."
Grinch put down his cell-phone and tightened his tie,
And straightened the brow over each Grinchy eye.
But Cindy-Lou scoffed at his mansion and loot,
And, smirking, derided his Who-mani suit.
"I was foolish," she spat, "thinking you'd lift the curse.
"You didn't save Christmas, you just made things worse."
Said Grinch, in a half-hearted, mumbly way:
"I tried to do right - it just happened to pay."
But his high spirits fell, oh they fell, fell, fell, fell,
They could not have fallen more if they'd fell in a well.
And suddenly Grinchy knew what he must do
To regain the esteem of Ms. Cindy-Lou Who.
Straight off he called up his financial advisor,
Knowing his wishes were sure to surprise her,
And he emptied his savings and 401Ks,
Got rid of his stocks and his fat IRAs.
He sold off the mansion and world-class wine cellar,
Sold the cigar boat with corkscrew propeller.
Grinch rented the Who-Dome and gave dinner, free,
To twenty-eight thousand, eight hundred and three.
And not only Whos but all Whats, Whys and Hows
>From neighboring villages, cities and towns.
Homeless and friendless, the rich and the poor -
No living creature was turned from the door.
The menu was Who-hash and prime-rib roast beast,
And plum cakes and loaves of bread baked with Who-yeast.
But before the feast started, all present joined hands
And sang Christmas songs played by two dozen bands.
And all, intermingling, wished all others well,
And couldn't remember so fine a Noel.
Impressed, Cindy-Lou gave the Grinch a great hug
And planted a smooch on his Grinchy old mug.
"You failed to steal Christmas," she whispered, "and yet
"You've set an example we'll never forget."
And afterward, Grinchy went home to his cave,
Quite pleased with himself and the Christmas he gave.
He felt that his heart, once two sizes too small,
Could now scarcely fit inside Carnegie Hall.
"It just goes to show," he said, nodding his head,
"You get more from giving than getting ahead.
"You're richer admired than rich-and-reviled."
He patted the head of old Max (who just smiled).
Was enjoying retirement; life was a cinch.
He played on his PC and tweaked other hacks
And talked of old times with his aged dog, Max.
He rarely went down to the town of the Whos,
Save to stock up on roast beast and Who-hash and booze.
He preferred not to rub on the slow-healing sore
Of his near-theft of Christmas two decades before.
Well, one day as Grinch sat keyboarding on-line,
Some E-mail arrived of intriguing design:
"Please, Mr. Grinch, let me come visit you."
The message was signed by one "Cindy-Lou Who."
"Cindy-Lou Who," though the Grinch, "Cindy-Lou Who,
"Now, who is this Who name of Cindy-Lou Who?"
He scratched his head hard till his memory expanded -
Ah, she'd been the tot who had caught him red-handed.
All those long years ago when, with devilish glee,
He'd been making away with her folks' Christmas tree!
So Grinch swept his cave of its Grinchy debris,
And combed out his fur to receive company.
This Cindy-Lou Who, who was now twenty-two,
A graduate student at East Who-ville U.,
Her voice was no longer the coo of a dove,
But firm and commanding, as if from Above.
She wasted few words in unveiling her plan:
She wanted the Grinch to steal Christmas - again!
"Since your last theft attempt, time has taken its toll;
"Now Who-ville's Christmas deserves to be stole,"
said Cindy-Lou in a most righteous tone
(Grinch captivated by how much she'd grown!).
"Back then when you took all the presents away,
"We Whos nonetheless celebrated the day.
"But now no one holds hands, and nobody sings.
"All we Whos care for is getting more things.
"The radio broadcasts Yule songs in July,
"To pump up the Whos to get out there and buy,
"Lest Christmas morn, when they rise from their sleep,
"The gifts 'neath the tree aren't eleven feet deep.
"The whole, long ordeal leaves most every-Who stressed,
"Exhausted, debt-ridden and deeply depressed.
"Oh, we must stop this madness, we must, must, must, must!
"Before the day's meaning has turned all to dust."
Said Grinch, "Heaven's sakes, Missy, why come to me?
"I can't steal Christmas - I'm seventy-three."
Said she, "Oh, I know that you'll think of a plan;
"You did it before, you can do it again."
Then she gave to old Grinch, to ensure his enthralled-ness,
A daughterly kiss on his male-pattern baldness,
Making him blush underneath all his fur
And vow to himself, "I will do it - for her."
So Grinchy dug out the old Santy Claus suit
That, in the first heist, was his best attribute.
Then he called his dog, Max, and took some red thread,
And tied a big horn on the doggy's old head.
He hitched up the pooch to a ramshackle sleigh,
Which he filled up with sacks for to haul loot away.
Then he waited for darkness to fall on the town,
And told Max, "Giddap," and began the trip down.
On the south edge of Who-ville, a newly built part,
He came to a stop at the giant Who-Mart.
Grinchily sly, he slunk in a side door
And filled up a sack with goods from Aisle 4.
But he saw as he picked through the toys and CDs,
No bag in the world could contain all of these.
All Christmas was stealable two decades before;
Today you could not make a dent in one store!
Just then he heard footsteps and looked up to see
Security guards coming 'round from Aisle 3.
He tugged on the sack, but he just couldn't budge it;
And time was a-wasting, as Grinchy adjudged it.
So he ran from the store, oh, he ran, ran, ran, ran,
Ran faster than ever in his whole life span.
Flogging poor Max like some poor galley slave,
He barely escaped to his hideaway cave.
Looking down on the town, the Grinch pondered his fix:
"Surely there's more in my old bag of tricks."
On what thing, he wondered, did Christmas depend,
The supply of which he, Grinch, might act to suspend?
"Why, batteries, of course!" he told Max (who just looked).
"Without them, this Christmas' goose will be cooked!"
So, with squirt gun and mask, he headed off straight
With Max and the sleigh to the new Interstate.
"When the truck full of batteries comes down the road,"
The Grinch-jacker chortled, "We'll hijack its load!"
Max, for his part, felt unsure and afraid
To be used, at his age, as a street barricade.
At last came the semi, and Grinchy yelled, "Stop!"
And brandished his squirt gun like some kind of cop.
But the truck just roared on, and it knocked the Grinch flat
And crunched through the sleigh - and, well, that was that.
Lucky for Grinch, he'd just joined HMO -
The truck broke his hinch bone and linch bone and toe.
"I can still use my hands," Grinch told Max (who just snored),
And sat himself down at his PC keyboard.
"I'll make a computer bug cripple and maim
"Every Who-ville computer and video game.
"All Christmas purists will surely admire us
"When they see the effects of our cyberspace virus."
Grinch started to program, oh, he hacked, hacked, hacked,
And soon had a virus all set too attack.
He was poised to press ENTER and set off the plague
When he heard a loud knock on the door of his cave.
"Police! Open up!" came the shout from outside
The hair stood at attention on Grinchy's scared hide
The cops bashed the door down, the impatient toughs;
They read Grinch his rights, and then slapped on the cuffs.
Through Grinch-prints they'd traced him and made the charge stand:
Attempted hijacking and larceny, grand.
Another fact made Grinch's plight still more tender -
He might go to trial as a repeat offender.
And so Grinchy landed in Who-ville's Who's-gow
Along with poor Max, his reluctant bow-bow.
They cowered in corners and tried to steer clear
Of guys with tattoos and lascivious leers.
Then one day a visitor came to see Grinch;
His suit looked hand-tailored, each exquisite inch.
Reading his business card, jailbird Grinch saw:
"Robert Shapir-who, Attorney-at-Law."
"I'm taking your case," said the lawyer, "and, too,
"My fees will be paid by Ms. Cindy-Lou Who.
"I'll make you a hero, role model, the works.
"They'll never convict you, the slow-witted jerks."
Shapir-Who sent Grinch super-agent Mike Who-vitz,
Who soon orchestrated a media-zoo blitz.
Newspapers headlined, "Grinch motives were pure."
Talk-show hosts called his confinement "manure."
A hurry-up movie was made of his plight.
He spoke, live, with Who-prah via satellite.
Everyone talked of his brave, lonely quest
To bring Christmas back to an era more blessed.
His fame soon surpassed more illustrious names,
And led to Grinch dolls, bikes and video games,
Which all hit the shelves just in time for Yule sales,
And made for store profits of unheard-of scales.
"Grinch," said Shapir-who, "with this latest deal,
You're sure to be bigger than Shaquille Who'Neal."
Bigger than Shaq? That thought took Grinch aback!
But he did have endorsements too many to track.
At his trial, crowds applauded when Grinchy stepped forth,
Looking nobly self-righteous as Who-liver North.
His lawyer orated, oh, he talked, talked, talked, talked -
And the jury acquitted the Grinch, in a walk.
After, a limousine whisked Grinchy home -
Not too a cave, but a new pleasure-dome
With thirty-four rooms and a house staff of three,
Who toasted with bubbly his being set free.
Next morning, while Grinch lounged in opulent glitz,
Discussing residuals with agent Who-vitz,
The butler announced with pretentious ado,
"A certain Ms. Who has arrived to see you."
Grinch put down his cell-phone and tightened his tie,
And straightened the brow over each Grinchy eye.
But Cindy-Lou scoffed at his mansion and loot,
And, smirking, derided his Who-mani suit.
"I was foolish," she spat, "thinking you'd lift the curse.
"You didn't save Christmas, you just made things worse."
Said Grinch, in a half-hearted, mumbly way:
"I tried to do right - it just happened to pay."
But his high spirits fell, oh they fell, fell, fell, fell,
They could not have fallen more if they'd fell in a well.
And suddenly Grinchy knew what he must do
To regain the esteem of Ms. Cindy-Lou Who.
Straight off he called up his financial advisor,
Knowing his wishes were sure to surprise her,
And he emptied his savings and 401Ks,
Got rid of his stocks and his fat IRAs.
He sold off the mansion and world-class wine cellar,
Sold the cigar boat with corkscrew propeller.
Grinch rented the Who-Dome and gave dinner, free,
To twenty-eight thousand, eight hundred and three.
And not only Whos but all Whats, Whys and Hows
>From neighboring villages, cities and towns.
Homeless and friendless, the rich and the poor -
No living creature was turned from the door.
The menu was Who-hash and prime-rib roast beast,
And plum cakes and loaves of bread baked with Who-yeast.
But before the feast started, all present joined hands
And sang Christmas songs played by two dozen bands.
And all, intermingling, wished all others well,
And couldn't remember so fine a Noel.
Impressed, Cindy-Lou gave the Grinch a great hug
And planted a smooch on his Grinchy old mug.
"You failed to steal Christmas," she whispered, "and yet
"You've set an example we'll never forget."
And afterward, Grinchy went home to his cave,
Quite pleased with himself and the Christmas he gave.
He felt that his heart, once two sizes too small,
Could now scarcely fit inside Carnegie Hall.
"It just goes to show," he said, nodding his head,
"You get more from giving than getting ahead.
"You're richer admired than rich-and-reviled."
He patted the head of old Max (who just smiled).
story Information
Upload Date: 31/12/1969 |
Downloads: 3802 |
Other Stories
Other Stories5624 downloads
4803 downloads
4269 downloads
2968 downloads
4178 downloads
4987 downloads