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An Unorthodox Chanukah Quiz

1. Chanukah is known as
a. The Festival of Lights
b. The Holiday of Rededication
c. The Jewish Christmas
d. The Yiddish Ramadan

2. The heroes of the holiday of Chanukah lived in
a. Ancient Palestine
b. Ancient Israel
c. The Occupied Territories
d. The Liberated Territories
e. A three floor walk-up in Jerusalem

3. The Jews of the time of the first Chanukah worshipped
a. At the Holy Temple in Jerusalem
b. At a less holy temple about ten miles west of Jerusalem
c. Wherever they could get High Holiday tickets
d. All of the above

4. Suddenly, a new, cruel leader (what else is new?) came to power in Syria,
whose name was
a. Hafiz al-Assad
b. Yassir Arafat
c. Antiochus
d. Antisemite
e. Antibody

5. This evil leader abruptly commanded the Jews of his kingdom to
a. Eat pig
b. Eat at McDonald's
c. Eat everything on their plates
d. Become idol worshippers
e. Become idle

6. There arose a brave elder among the Jewish people who helped to lead a
revolt against the Syrians, whose name was
a. Mattathias
b. Mattityahu
c. Matthew
d. Matt
e. Merwin
f. Mud
g. His name would have been Mud had he lost

7. Mattityahu (what a relief-that's the answer to #6) had sons by the names of
a. Groucho, Chico, Harpo, Zeppo and Gummo
b. Huey, Dewey and Louis
c. Jacob, Joey, Jeremy and Christopher (his wife became less
traditional as she grew older)
d. dah, and I'm not sure of the others

8. The last name of this glorious family was
a. Marx (see #7a)
b. Duck (see #7b)
c. Abu ben Amir (it wasn't easy to be a Jew in those days)
d. Callaghan (it's not easy today)
e. Maccabee

9. The town in which the heroic family lived was
a. Modin
b. Mahwah
c. Crown Heights
d. Farfallen Heights
e. Wayne
f. Passaic Park

10. The name "Maccabee" (you wait long enough, you get most of the answers)
translates to mean
a. "May the Lord be with us, 'caus, if He's not, we're in big trouble"
b. "Son of a Star"
c. "Son of a Gun"
d. "Nails," because the Maccabees nailed the Syrian army

11. Where did the Jews fight the Syrians?
a. At Entebbe
b. At Natanya
c. Through thick and thin
d. With blood, sweat and tears
e. On the streets
f. On the beaches

12. After many long and agonizing battles, the Jews defeated their oppressors.
The final score of the war was
a. Maccabees 9, Syrians 2
b. Maccabees 613, Syrians 0
c. Maccabees 11, Maccabees 1

13. In order to purify the Holy Temple, the Jews had to
a. Get a good cleaning person who would do floors
b. Get a good cleaning person who would do walls and windows too
(now that's a miracle!)
c. Get rid of the chazar-fleisch
d. Get some oil

14. The oil the Maccabees found was sufficient for only
a. One day
b. Seven days
c. Seven days in Israel, eight in the Diaspora (go figure)

15 But there was a great miracle, as the oil used for resanctifying the Temple
ended up lasting
a. Until it needed an oil change
b. Twelve days
c. Twelve days, but for you, eight days

16. Hannah was a heroine of the first Chanukah, who had
a. Five daughters
b. No, it was Tevye the Dairyman who had five daughters
c. Seven sons
d. Six sons
e. Five sons
f. Four sons

17. One of the great coincidences of history is that
a. Chanukah begins on the 25th day of the Hebrew month Kislev
b. Christmas takes place on the 25th day of the Julian month of
c. Chanukah and charoset (from Passover) both start with "ch"

18. Among the Talmudic rulings on this holiday is that
a. The lamp must be lit at sunset
b. The lamp should be placed outside the entrance of one's house
c. The lamp should be set on a window nearest the street
d. Your fire insurance should be paid up every year by the beginning
of Kislev
e. Chanukah used to be the day before Tu B'Shvat but the rabbis moved
it to avoid forest fires

19. Jewish women are obligated to also kindle the Chanukah lamp because
a. They were included in the miracle, according to Tractate Shabbat,
b. They were threatening to picket the Holy Temple according to the
to feminist magazine Lilith, page 21

20. One of the major debates in the Talmud involves
a. The House of Shammai suggesting that we light eight lights on the
first night of Chanukah, and then one less each following night
b. The House of Hillel suggesting that we light one light on the first
night, and then one more each following night
c. The House of Eisenstat suggesting that we swallow some bicarbonate
of soda after devouring too many greasy latkes
d. The House of Weinrib suggesting that we swallow some Alka Seltzer
after devouring too many greasy latkes (The latter was disallowed
when it was discovered that the House of Weinrib owned 51 percent
of Alka Seltzer shares)

21. Because Chanukah is considered such a joyous holiday, Jews are
a. Forbidden to eulogize the dead
b. Forbidden to fast
c. Forbidden to cover their neighbor's Christmas lights, especially
since the concept was stolen from the holiday of Chanukah, anyway

22. The special Al-Hanissim prayer is added to religious services and the Grace
After Meals during the eight days of Chanukah. It translates as
a. "Thanks for the Miracles."
b. "Thanks for the Memories"
c. Yes, Bob Hope actually entertained the Maccabean troops

23. According to the Encyclopedia Judaica, there were many communities in the
Middle Ages where Jewish women were forbidden to work while the Chanukah
lights were burning. This reportedly led many rabbis of the era to
a. Move to another community that followed a different custom
b. Push for a one or two day Chanukah
c. Use far less oil in their lamps
d. Use much shorter candles

24. A long-accepted tradition of Jews around the world is for the parents to
give their children
a. Chanukah gelt (money), over the eight days of the holiday
b. Jewish guilt (often over money), over the twelve months until the
next Chanukah

25. On the holiday of Chanukah, millions of Jews all over the world
a. Spin the dreidel
b. Hang the mistletoe
c. Stuff the stocking
d. Decorate the tree
e. We really have to do something about assimilation (which was what
the Maccabean revolt was all about)
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