Make Toys Fast

As I was cleaning out my chimney the other day (in anticipation of the coming
holiday, and the off chance of chilly weather in my area), I dislodged a
document stuck in the flue. Upon examination, I was shocked to find the message
reproduced below. Yes, even *he* is up to it.

----------------------------------------

To The_World@everywhere.com
From SC@north-pole.org
Subject MAKE TOYS FAST
Note Authenticated Sender is KKringle@workshop.com

X-Removal Notice For removal go to http//www.bad-kids.com

DON'T THROW THIS AWAY! IT CONTAINS THE MOST IMPORTANT INFORMATION YOU WILL
RECEIVE ALL THIS HOLIDAY SEASON!!

Hello. My name is Kristopher Kringleson. I'm just an ordinary, everyday guy,
with a job in the distribution sector. I used to be just like you, working,
sweating, having to deal with the little people every day, and getting less
respect, less notice, and let's face it, less belief in me all the time.

BUT NOT ANY MORE!!!!

Now I live on my own private island, rather than in the snowbelt where I used
to live and work. I drive a Bentley Model XKV Tempora-Distort Sled (with all-
reindeer drive). I'm a babe magnet. A preschooler magnet, too. People believe
in me. People love me.

Mrs. C. says that I've never been more alive, more virile, more ME!!! And all
because of a letter JUST LIKE THIS ONE!!! A letter that set me up FOR LIFE.
And let me tell you, just as it's made a world of difference for me, it can do
the same for you.

What's this secret plan for INSTANT SUCCESS that I discovered? A new, improved,
MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING organizational strategy paradigm system distributorship...
thingy.

Now, I know what you're saying These MLM things are just a scam. They don't
work. They're illegal. And you know what??

YOU'RE RIGHT!

EXCEPT FOR THIS ONE!

THIS ONE'S LEGIT!

You don't send any money to anyone. That's right! NO MONEY! You only send one
small, working, new toy to each person on your distributorship list. That's
All It Takes!

THIS ONE WORKS!

You're working on multiple levels of success with this system. Not only are
you starting your own toy-distribution pyramid, but you're also selling
VALUABLE REPORTS!!! Reports that tell anyone how to become a better, more
effective holiday spokesperson (and they also work for normal occupations too).

IT'S NOT ILLEGAL!

Although the USPS clearly considers pyramid schemes illegal, this version of an
MLM pyramid deals with that downside right off the bat You Don't Use The Mail
System!! Nope, you FedEx those toys to me OverNite! No USPS, no mail fraud,
capiche?

Now, if you're like me, you should be chomping at the bit (byte?) right now,
ready to send off your paltry four (not five!! Your pyramid builds faster!!)
toys, and recieve your reports, so that you can start your own FUTURE!

Remember, the system only works if you follow the RULES. Send one toy to each
person on the following list. Then delete the top person, put your name in
position #4, move everybody up one level, and send out 5.2 billion of these
letters, one to each person in the world. By the time your name gets to position
#1, you will be receiving, per day, more toys than have ever been created in
the history of the Earth!

GUARANTEED!

REPORT #1
Toy Distribution - - Strategies and Methodologies
Send Toy to
Kris Kringle
1 North Pole
Top O The World, AK 99999

REPORT #2
Holiday Spokespersons - - Encouraging Belief through MLM
Send Toy to
S. Claus
Suite 100
101 Workshop Blvd.
Polaris, AK 99999

REPORT #3
Care and Feeding of Holiday-Oriented Livestock
Send Toy to
Pere Noel
c/o Christmas, Father
Infinity, Northernmost Point
World

REPORT #4
Using Mail Drops to Increase Profits and Belief in You
Send Toy to
Jessica Mary Claus
Suite 1324125523393
123 Main Street
Miami Beach, FL 32988

TESTIMONIALS
------------------------------------------------
This system changed my life.
I'll never go back to the old ways.

E. Bunny
------------------------------------------------
It sure beats hanging around in kids' bedrooms!
And those nasty molars, yech!

The Tooth Fairy
------------------------------------------------
Toys, pfui! I spellchanged every instance of "toy"
in this letter to say "vodka". Now I'm wasted for
months on end! Boris Yeltsin is even jealous. And
the little kids who want toys? Who Cares! (hic)!

Babouschka
------------------------------------------------
We are practicing attorneys, and can say truth-
fully that we had never been given a toy in our
whole LIVES until we started this plan. Now,
we're rolling in 'em.

Literally.

Picture it.
Now stop, and seek therapy.

Cantor and Siegel
------------------------------------------------
Me, too!

Every Usenet newbie in existence. ~
------------------------------------------------
I always wanted a Count Chocula secret Invisible
Ink Decoder Set. I never got one.

Even for Christmas.

Ever.

That's probably why I am the way I am.

Please send me your toys. If you want to be removed
from this testimonial, send email with "remove" as
the subject to sucker@spamford.com