The First Christmas Letter...

Dear Mom,
Zikes! What a year! Joseph forgot to make reservations at the
Bethlehem Inn (his carpentry projects aren't the only thing made
out of wood!). So they stick us in this stable full of stale hay
and stinking animals and guess what??? I go right into labor.

My OB doc said "Make the trip." Anyway, we have a new baby boy
that we think is truly special. But it's been a madhouse ever since!

First, we couldn't agree on a name. Joe likes Emmanuel - I'm
holding out for Jesus. In the middle of the argument all the
animals in the stable start talking and taking sides! Next, all
these shepherds stopped by to gawk (as if the smell wasn't bad
enough). And, since this is Joseph's hometown, the whole mishpuka
seemed to drop in. You wouldn't believe his weird "cousin" John!
All the time he babbles about 'logos' and 'kerygma' and a whole
bunch of stuff that's just plain Greek to me.

Then there's a Stella, (or is it Quelle?) who keeps asking me to
write down everything the kid says, word for word --like he's
talking already. I tell you, it felt like there were 5,000
relatives around and me with only a few cloves and knishes to
feed them. We also seem to be attracting religious pilgrims.

Ever try to fend off one of them Druids for Istar when you're busy
doing laundry? At least those three camel jockeys brought gifts.
We can't get a good night's sleep with that stupid star shining
through the cracks in the ceiling, and every store in town is sold
out of swaddling. And then it seemed every time I went to feed
the boy a half-dozen Renaissance painters would show up wanting
to sketch the procedure.

I finally sent Joe out for bottles and formula.

When it came time for the Briss there was such a Hoo-Haw I
couldn't believe it! Picketers! There were Picketers with signs
saying, "Don't mutilate Hebrew men!" And some were chanting,
"Circumcise your hearts!" Yeech.

Well, got to go! Joseph had another one of his goofy visions so I
guess we're off to Egypt. This time, I make the reservations!
Maybe we'll spend a spell in India instead.

All my love, Mary