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Christmas From Your Pets

Meowy Christmas from your loving cat.
Aren't I cute? Now leave me the hell alone.
--Ann Bartow

We, your cats, at Christmas say,
Thanks for caring for us each day.
We love this season, all green and red,
And by the way, the hamster's dead.
--Peter Bauer

As man's best friend, when you're in bed,
I just sit and watch.
For Christmas, so I can hump your leg,
I've put mistletoe on your crotch.
--Patrick Major

I've always loved the Christmas Feast.
I've heard this year it's ham.
Too bad I've other plans this time.
Love, Your Pot-bellied Pig named Sam.
--Ed Smith

Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells...
--Kevin Wickart

Wrapping paper! Ribbon! Bows! Tree! Tree! Tree! Tree! Shiny!
Shiny! Christmas balls! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! {CRASH!!}
--Peg Warner

I'd like to bark a merry tune,
I'd like to deck the halls.
I'd like to bring the world some joy,
But first, I'll lick my balls.
--Larry Hollister

You feed, pet and house me.
And I love you for that.
But stop calling me your "kid."
I'm just a friggin' cat.
--Brian Jones

I want to say I love you,
Before anything could spoil it.
So don't look in the living room
That new carpet? I just soiled it.
--John Gephart

I'm always happy to see you,
I try to bring you joy.
But I'll kill you in your sleep
if I get one more Disney chew toy!
--Ann Rosenfeld

As watchman-cat, I've done my job,
The house is safe once more.
That shiny stuff that stormed the tree
Is dead now on the floor.
--Larry Hollister

Don't want no Christmas present,
Don't want no Easter egg.
All I want, O master,
Is five minutes with your leg.
---Jeff Scherer

As your feline companion,
I'm happy, yes I am.
But as for getting you a gift,
Frankly, I don't give a d*mn.
--Kris Johnson

Merry Christmas from Rover,
I hope it's top-notch.
If it's not too much trouble,
may I please sniff your crotch?
--Michael Sheinbaum

Santa brought you presents,
While you slept in your beds.
All I, your cat, can offer
Is a field mouse, ripped to shreds.
--Jeff Scherer

This Christmas Eve if you hear a noise,
it's me -- your little Yuletide elf.
In your shoe, you'll find a steaming gift,
I made it by myself!
--Tim McKemy, Kevin Wickart

I think that I shall never see
a thing as lovely as a Christmas tree.
You decorated it so nice,
I'm sorry I peed on it -- twice.
--Peter Bauer

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