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Christmas From Your Pets

Meowy Christmas from your loving cat.
Aren't I cute? Now leave me the hell alone.
--Ann Bartow


We, your cats, at Christmas say,
Thanks for caring for us each day.
We love this season, all green and red,
And by the way, the hamster's dead.
--Peter Bauer


As man's best friend, when you're in bed,
I just sit and watch.
For Christmas, so I can hump your leg,
I've put mistletoe on your crotch.
--Patrick Major


I've always loved the Christmas Feast.
I've heard this year it's ham.
Too bad I've other plans this time.
Love, Your Pot-bellied Pig named Sam.
--Ed Smith


FROM YOUR PARROT
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells...
--Kevin Wickart


Wrapping paper! Ribbon! Bows! Tree! Tree! Tree! Tree! Shiny!
Shiny! Christmas balls! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! {CRASH!!}
--Peg Warner


I'd like to bark a merry tune,
I'd like to deck the halls.
I'd like to bring the world some joy,
But first, I'll lick my balls.
--Larry Hollister


You feed, pet and house me.
And I love you for that.
But stop calling me your "kid."
I'm just a friggin' cat.
--Brian Jones


I want to say I love you,
Before anything could spoil it.
So don't look in the living room
That new carpet? I just soiled it.
--John Gephart


I'm always happy to see you,
I try to bring you joy.
But I'll kill you in your sleep
if I get one more Disney chew toy!
--Ann Rosenfeld


As watchman-cat, I've done my job,
The house is safe once more.
That shiny stuff that stormed the tree
Is dead now on the floor.
--Larry Hollister


Don't want no Christmas present,
Don't want no Easter egg.
All I want, O master,
Is five minutes with your leg.
---Jeff Scherer


As your feline companion,
I'm happy, yes I am.
But as for getting you a gift,
Frankly, I don't give a d*mn.
--Kris Johnson


Merry Christmas from Rover,
I hope it's top-notch.
If it's not too much trouble,
may I please sniff your crotch?
--Michael Sheinbaum


Santa brought you presents,
While you slept in your beds.
All I, your cat, can offer
Is a field mouse, ripped to shreds.
--Jeff Scherer


This Christmas Eve if you hear a noise,
it's me -- your little Yuletide elf.
In your shoe, you'll find a steaming gift,
I made it by myself!
--Tim McKemy, Kevin Wickart


I think that I shall never see
a thing as lovely as a Christmas tree.
You decorated it so nice,
I'm sorry I peed on it -- twice.
--Peter Bauer
Not YOU!
[HOT VIDEO] Not YOU!

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