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Signs Santa's Elves Are Suffering From Career Burn-Out

15. There's a two-month waiting list for Santa voodoo dolls at
the North Pole employee gift shop.

14. All of this year's rocking horses are sporting a fifth "leg."

13. They punch out Santa's lights before he even gets to the
second "ho."

12. Come Christmas morning, more than one unlucky tyke will be
unwrapping a container of brown, smelly Play-Doh.

11. All the "Sorry!" games have been repackaged as "In Your Face,
Loser!" games.

10. Rather than taking the time to master the latest technological
advances, they simply pack every PlayStation 2 box with a
Hustler and a jar of Vaseline.

9. Sewing a teddy bear is hard work. Catching a bear cub at the
North Pole is easy. You do the math.

8. Rudolph, elated at finally being invited to join in some
reindeer games, instead finds himself confronted by shotgun-
toting elves.

7. Several of them were caught on video adding real urine to the
"wet baby" dolls.

6. The See 'n Say little Cassie received is teaching her that
the duck says, "Santa blows," and the cow goes, "Get lost,
kid."

5. Santa's elf-prepared road trip CD for Christmas Eve? Nothin'
but "It's a Small World."

4. Five of them pitched a new show to FOX: "Elf Eye for the Fat
Guy."

3. Cigarette burns on Barbie's posterior.

2. The only reason they ride the Norelco shavers over the snow
these days is to get to a liquor store.

1. This year the kids on the "naughty" list are receiving lumps
of koala.
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