Letter From Idaho

As you may know, there are a lot of Californians moving to Idaho these days.
Unlike Idaho with its four seasons, California only has two: hot and hot as hell.
The following excerpts are from letters from someone who recently moved  to McCall, Idaho.
 
  November 1, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: It started to snow this evening about 5:00 p.m. -- our first of the season.  The wife and I took
our cocktails and sat by the window watching the soft flakes drift down.  They say that no two snowflakes are the same!  It was beautiful. We woke to a big wonderful blanket of crystal white snow covering our yard and as far as the
eye could see.  I shoveled snow for the first time in over 30 years -- and loved it!  Did both the driveway and sidewalk.  Of course two minutes after I finished, the snowplow came by and
covered it all up again with the compacted snow from the street.  Oh well, ha ha, I took it in
stride and shoveled it all again. Your friend, Tom   November 10, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: Got another 8 inches of snow last night and the temperature dropped to 20 below zero.
Shoveled the driveway so I could get the car out but before I could open the garage door, the
snowplow did his thing again.  Worked out for the best because the car wouldn't start anyway.
Fixed myself a drink and laughed it off. Regards, Tom   Noverber 27, 1992
Dear Jim and Mary: Sold the car and bought a 4 wheel drive truck.  Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway getting
into it.  All that was hurt was my feelings.  Still cold (below zero every morning) and the icy roads
make for tough driving.  I did however make it to the liquor store and bought enough booze to last
the winter.  That *ssh*le in the snowplow came by while I was gone and covered the driveway
again. Tom   December 5, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: Happy "f**king" Holiday from Idaho.  We're assured a white Christmas this year because
6 more inches of the "white stuff" fell today.  Forget that crap about snow flakes all looking
different, you've seen one, you've seen them all!!  Anyway, I took a couple of stiff belts out
of the whiskey bottle and suited up to shovel the driveway.  You should see it, boots, jump suit,
heavy jacket, scarf, ear muffs, gloves, etc.  Got in one shovel full and had to p*ss like a Russian
race horse.  Figured I'd risk blowing a kidney and finish the job.  When I did, I ran for the house
and just made it to the toilet.  While I was standing relieving myself, I heard a now familiar sound.
Yes, that cocksucker in the snowplow did it again.  The only reason I needed to get out was that
the liquor cabinet was empty, again!  I think the wife has been sipping behind my back!!  Selfish
bitch! T.   December 30, 1992 Dear Jim and Mary: If I ever catch the son-of-a-bitch that drives that snowplow, I'll drag his bare ass through the
white sh*t from here to the city limits.  The temperature stays at zero or below all day.  If this
keeps up I'll be f**king with this white sh*t 'til August.  Got to get to the liquor store before it
closes.  I caught the wife dead off her ass drunk on the bathroom floor yesterday.  At least
now I know where the booze is going. Me   January 5, 8, or 10, 1993 Dear Tim and Cary: 7 more inches.  If it wasn't for going to the liquor store, I'd never get out.  Must be cabin fever
or I'm going snowblind from that white sh*t all over my yard, but even that drunken slut I married
is starting to look good.  Doesn't matter, it's so cold I have to tie a string and tag on my d*ck just
to find it ever morning. You Know Who   Febiary, whatever, whenever............... Deer jimmers, jimmers, J & M: Toilet froze.  IF you go outside, don't eat the brown snow ha ha!  Neighbor came by  and told me
I better get some of that sh*t off my roof or it might cave in.  Fuck it and the snowplow.  Liquor
store has started making deliveries to the front door.  I ain't going out till this sh*t melts all the
way a way. me   March 29, 1993
Boise Mental Hospital Dear Jim and Mary: Thank you for taking in my darling wife.  My lawyer says I should be out in a year or two.  All
this could have been avoided if the snowplow driver hadn't come by asking for a donation for
some charity.  His doctor testified at my trial that there was no permanent damage to his rectum
from my assault with the snow shovel handle.  It was wrong, I know that now.  The arson charge
too, could have been avoided, but when that neighbor told me about the snow on my roof, well I
figured the fire would melt that white......... I really feel bad about the guy who owns the liquor store.  Ever since we left the neighborhood,
the bank foreclosed on his new house and the Cadillac dealer repossessed his new car.  Even the
kid who used to deliver for him quit, claimed he wasn't making that $1,500 a week like when we
lived there. Hope to see you soon! Your Friend,
Tom