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Holiday Merger

This just in from News Service.


Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was
announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge.

An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300
years, ever since the rise of the Muslim Empire. While details were not
available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve
days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both
organizations. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy
consistently high-quality service during the Twenty Days of Christmukah, as the
new holiday is being called. Massive layoffs are expected, with lords
a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit.

As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl,
currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible
to a wider audience. Also, instead of translating "A great miracle happened
there," the message on the dreydl will be the more generic "Miraculous stuff
happens." In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa
Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering gifts.

In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three
hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and
cookies for Santa after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last
year, when Oreos were finally declared to be Kosher. Both organizations hailed
this as a win-win.

A spokesman for Christmas, Inc., declined to say whether a takeover of Kwanzaa
might not be in the works as well. He merely pointed out that, were it not for
the independent existence of Kwanzaa, the merger between Christmas and Chanukah
might indeed be seen as an unfair cornering of the holiday market. Fortunately
for all concerned, he said, Kwanzaa will help to maintain the competitive

He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing
rendition of "Oy, Come All Ye Faithful."
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