Been Out Of College Too Long When...

You know you've been out of college too long when... - Your potted plants stay alive. - Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. - You keep more food than beer in the fridge. - 6:00 a.m. is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. - You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work. - You carry an umbrella. - You watch the Weather Channel. - Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up. - You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7. - Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up." - You're the one calling the police because those d*mn kids next door don't know how to turn down the stereo. - Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. - You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. - Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. - You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds. - Sleeping on the couch is a no-no. - You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. - Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one. - MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. - You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits. - A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff." - You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. - Grocery lists are longer than macaroni and cheese, Diet Pepsi and Ho-ho's. - "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again." - Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. - You don't get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar. - It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.