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Marriage Quotes

  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
  • I bought my wife a new car.
    She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
    I said, "Where's the car?"
    She said, "In the lake."
  • The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
  • I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
  • Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that
  • Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
  • Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
    Dad: That happens in every country, son.
  • Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
  • A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
    The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
  • A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
    "And what was he before you married him?"asked the friend.
    The woman replied, "A billionaire.
  • The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
  • A man, upon his engagement, went to his father and said, "I've found a woman just like mother!"
    His father replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
  • Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe
  • If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  • It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer
  • Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
  • A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman-then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
    "What happened?" asked his friend.
    "My wife found out...
  • Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  • How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.
  • The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
    A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants, provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
Owl Dance-Off
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