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Lindsay's story

Lindsays story
“He’s really hot” my friend Laura said smiling at the screen as we watched the movie ‘step up’.
I panicked realizing that the moment was passing me by to resume my identity as a completely heterosexual girl. I thought of what the right thing to say would be in that moment that would make me seem normal, like she was. “Straight” as we call it. I fidgeted with my hands a bit and spat out a shy “yeah”. My friend punched my shoulder as if to say “you know you like it” but no, I didn’t.
Because I am a lesbian.
Little did she know, I had been watching the girls in their bathing suits and thinking “now she’s hot”, but not a word escaped my mouth, for if it did, my secret life would be revealed. I would be “Lindsay” no more. I would be “lesbian Lindsay”. No more would my friends look at me the same way, and feel comfortable. They would know. They would know that it meant more to me than it should when they hugged me or kissed me on the cheek or said ‘love you” and they would be scared. Scared that I would get a lesbian crush on them. No I couldn’t tell them, I just couldn’t. I would wait. Wait until the time was right. There just had to be a time when people knew, now is the time to let the world know-
Laura looked at my face, seeing the tension. She gave me a questioning look, I shrugged and shook my head.
“I love him in this movie, god he is fine!” she shifted in her chair.
“Wow you really do!” I said jokingly to ease the pressure. This could buy me some time, I didn’t want to confess, but at the same time did not want to lie to her or myself again by playing along and pretending. I viewed it this way, I might be gay, but I’m not lying to anyone if I don’t tell them, only if they ask me and I told them ‘no’.
That’s the thing I’ve realised, our world views individuals as a default heterosexual, so you are straight, until you come out of the closet. That empty, scary, lonely, dark closet.
The closet isn’t a nice place to be and people do get out of it and lead happy lives. They are sick of the feeling it had given them and are ready to be their true selves.
“Lindsay?” a voice interrupts my thoughts. I don’t even know what’s going on in the movie.
“You weren’t listening!” she shakes my arm and laughs. Then she pulls me into a joking hug. I love this place up against her side. I could be here forever. I get comfortable and am happy in this place beside her. The way her breath goes in and out. The way her arm goes around my shoulders. I can smell her fruity perfume, and its stinging my nose with its delicious scent. I could just reach up and kiss-
She shifts and reaches for the remote. “That was a great movie eh” The cable comes on and brings me shooting back to reality. We are not a couple and we never will be. Because she is straight.
“Yes, I loved it!” I said enthusiastically. I love you. I was really saying.
Owl Dance-Off
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

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