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Attainable New Year's Resolutions

This year, I resolve to... - Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. - Stop exercising. Waste of time. - Read less. Makes you think. - Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff. - Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow. - Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1. - Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine. - Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did. - Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more. - Not have eight children at once. - Get in a whole NEW rut! - Start being superstitious. - Personal goal: bring back disco. - Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings. - Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system. - Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash. - Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords. - Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt. - Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace. - Not eat cloned meat. - Create loose ends. - Get more toys. - Get further in debt. - Not believe politicians. - Not drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice. - Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases. - Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet. - Stay off the International Space Station. - Not swim with pirhanas or sharks. - Associate with even worse business clients. - Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them. - Wait around for opportunity. - Focus on the faults of others. - Mope about my faults. - Never make New Year's resolutions again.
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

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