You Might Be Liberal If 2

You think people who make above minimum wage are rich and should be taxed at 90 percent. Upon hearing that President Clinton committed a rape and murder as part of Whitewater, you replied, “So what?” You blame the Republicans for rainy weather. You think Hillary Clinton is, “A babe.” You think George Stephenapolis is, “A hunk.” You paid $500,000.00 for a beer keg once used by John F. Kennedy. You protested American intervention in Vietnam, but support American intervention in Haiti, Somalia, and Bosnia. If the years 1966 through 1974 are vague memories because of the effects of drug abuse. You are not shocked when someone says “F—” but are profoundly shocked when someone says “N—-”. You think Newt Gingrich should be dipped in gravy train and fed to a pack of ravenous poodles. You think that a naval aircraft carrier should be named after George McGovern, but then you remember that one aircraft carrier could feed a million starving children for a year. Upon hearing of anything bad that has happened, the first thing you think should be done is that the oil companies should be investigated. You are against sexual harassment except when committed by Senator Kennedy. You think heterosexual love is a male chauvinist plot to oppress women. You think Al Franken is actually funny, but Rush Limbaugh is not. You ever proposed that cockroaches should be placed on the endangered species list. You ever drove to an Earth Day rally in a Lincoln Towncar, or a Ferrari. You object to little old ladies wearing fur, but not big, mean bikers wearing leather. You once referred to President Reagan as “that man in the White House.” You think that the Unabomber “has a point.” You think that Doctors should be made into government bureaucrats, but that lawyers should not. You cried out, “Where did I go wrong!” when your son or daughter joined the Marine Corps. You’ve felt compelled to buy the child rearing book entitled, “How to get your Children to Say No in the 90s When You Said Yes in the 60s.” You think O.J. is actually innocent, but that Bernard Goetz is not. You don’t go into a fit of rage when Barney is on TV.
Or Pat Schroeder
Or David Bonior. You are against prayer in public schools, even before math tests.