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ETIQUETTE TIPS FOR REDNECKS

DINING OUT - When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine. - If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label. - Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.   ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME - A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist. - Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his manners are. - Be considerate of your guests.   Point out in advance where the injury-threatening springs are located on the sofa. - If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes. THEATER ETIQUETTE - Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. - Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.   TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS - Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges. - Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them. - Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car. - It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church. - Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home. - The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets, especially if other people are around. - If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets. - Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.
Attractive nurse
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