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When All Else Fails, Use Corny Pick-Up Lines

The first time Joe had seen Patrick he knew he had to get that boy to be his. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I mean, Come ON! Who wouldn’t want to make Patrick their own?

It had all started when Joe walked into Borders that one day. He was looking for a particular CD and instead of just looking himself, he searched around for a worker to do it for him. Hell, they weren’t getting paid for just walking around, anyway.

He was lucky enough to run into a worker at the end of the aisle, but as he went to tap the boy on the shoulder, he had turned around and was looking directly at Joe. For a minute, Joe was speechless by the boy’s beauty. Heart stopping was an understatement…

Anyway, that brought Joe to where he was now. He’d run off and looked like a jerk in front of Patrick the first time he’d come in. Now he was going to work his charm and pick this boy up.

Taking a deep breath and working up his confidence, Joe stepped into Borders, instantly scanning the area for the cute worker. He almost wanted to scream out to him, but his common sense got the better of him.

“Hi, welcome to Borders. Can I be of service to you, Sir?”

Startled, Joe nearly jumped out of his skin, but turned around and looked at the person who was speaking, ready to give back his normal “No thanks, I’m fine.” Answer, but his breath caught in his throat.

“Patrick?” he gasped out, mentally wanting to smack himself into next Saturday. Boy, how he DIDN’T sound like a stalker now!

“Yes…Do I know you?” The blonde boy asked, tilting his head to the side slightly.

“I…uh….No. Sorry…You kinda scared me a bit and well, I didn’t want to feel like a jerk and yell out something random so I read your nametag…yeah…”

Patrick, though confusion was written all over his face, smiled warmly toward Joe and nodded.

“I’m sorry. Well, If I can be of any help to you, give me a call.”

Joe smiled politely, trying his hardest not to start yelling at himself in public. Come on now! This was f**king ridiculous! He was Joe Trohman. He could do this without looking like a complete idiot.

“Uh, actually, I could use some help…” He stated, biting down on his lip when Patrick turned around to look at him again.

“Sure, what do you need, Sir?”

“Uhh...” Joe tried to come up with something as quick as he could. Actually, he really had nothing he was looking for in particular. He had found that CD on his own the other day after he’d run away from Patrick…“Um…”

Joe was silent for another few moments, causing Patrick to give him an odd look. Giving up, he walked over to the boy and sighed.

“Listen, I know I seem really weird right now and I apologize for that. I’m sure you remember me from the other day. I totally ran away from you when I was going to ask for help. The only reason I ran away…was because….f**k it, I’m gonna go. Sorry for bothering you.”

Patrick went to respond, but Joe quickly turned and vacated the area before the blonde could even take a breath to make his sentence live. After a few seconds, he decided to yell out to the customer.


Joe turned and looked back at Patrick, hoping to everything sacred that he wouldn’t yell at him. He became even more nervous though, as the blonde beckoned him closer with his finger.

“You can’t just leave in the middle of a story like that. Why did you run away from me the other day? I want to know now. Am I putridly ugly? Fat? Did you just call me over so you could get another good look at me and go laugh to your friends or something?” Patrick asked, a hint of hurt in his voice. Joe was mortified.

“What? No!”

Patrick did not look convinced, so he continued. “Yeah, that’s what a lot of people say. You want a picture? Show everyone you hang around with. It’s okay, just ask…I’m used to this sh*t.”

Before Joe could respond, the sound of an ambulance broke both of their concentration and they looked towards the door, interested in what was going on.

“What the hell is an ambulance doing here?” Patrick asked, looking around the store for anyone who looked like they could be injured or in pain. He couldn’t spot a single soul.

“Actually, that ambulance is here to pick me up, because when I saw your beauty, my heart stopped.” Joe responded, wincing at how incredibly corny that sounded. If he hadn’t f**ked up before, he sure as hell did now. Sometimes he wondered if his mouth had a mind of its own.

Patrick, looking quite shocked, let out a small chuckle and placed his hand to Joe’s chest.

“Liar. I still feel a heartbeat. You’re lucky that cheesy, corny pick-up lines work on me.”

Joe laughed nervously, shifting his weight from one foot to another, glad that Patrick wasn’t going to rip his head off.

“Well, on that note, would you like to come to my place sometime, maybe rent a movie or something…”

Patrick smiled warmly towards Joe, nodding.

“I’d love to. But first, I have to ask…”

Here it comes… Joe thought, bracing himself for some embarrassment.

“To whom am I speaking? I don’t think you told me your name.”

Yep, great job, Joe!

“Oh, I’m sorry. Jesus I’m stupid! My name’s Joe.”

“Well, Joe, come up to the front desk so I can write down my number for you. Call me whenever you’re free. I’m looking forward to movie night.”

As Patrick turned around to walk to the front desk, Joe threw his hands up in the air and mouthed a ‘yes!’ before catching up with Patrick.

Who knew cheesy pick-up lines actually worked?
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

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