Why are rectal thermometers banned at Auburn University?

Why are rectal thermometers banned at Auburn University?
They cause too much brain damage. How do you break an Auburn guy's finger?
Punch him in the nose. Why did the Auburn student marry the cow?
He had to. How can you tell when there's been an Auburn student in your backyard?
The garbage is gone and your dog's pregnant. What is the definition of safe sex down at Auburn?
Placing a sign on the animals that kick... How do you castrate an Auburn football player?
You hit his sister in the jaw. How do you compliment an Auburn fan?
Nice tooth. How can you tell your getting close to Auburn?
If you stop to take a p*ss the cows will back up to the fence. What is the definition of an Auburn virgin?
An ugly twelve year old who can outrun her brothers.