LETTER TO PARENTS FROM A COLLEGE STUDENT

Dear Parent(s), Date: ______________ I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________
__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________
__ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What?
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
__ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
__ Has fleas My Professors are: __ Sadistic water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves Latest News: __ I wrecked the car
__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
__ You are going to have a grandchild
__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild Food: __ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals Health: __ I have gained _____ pounds
__ My roommate is in the hospital with meningitis
__ My HIV test was: _____ positive _____ negative (check only one)
__ I died yesterday! Grades: __ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester I study: __ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above Daily Devotions: __ I read my Bible everyday
__ I can't read
__ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars On my last visit home, I left: __ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
__ Other _____________________________________________ Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue) Laundry: __ My white underwear is now _________________
__ I am saving money by not using detergent
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains My room: __ Can pass your "white glove" test
__ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training Parties: __ I don't inhale
__ I only go to meet people
__ Haven't been to one since this morning Hope you:

__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence Salutation: __ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours, __________________________________________________
Signature (Scribble if Pre-Med or Pre-Law)
Note: Witnesses are not required for your mark ("X").