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Battle at the Vatican

In front of the Vatican entrance stood a small sickly looking boy

"My son are not well?"

"No senor…… I’m dying"

Putting his hands on the boy’s head he whispered "Close your eyes"

After a second Jesus swiftly kicked the boy in the junk and said "You will now live a long and prosperous life as a priest for you will have no want of women because of your damaged testicles".

"The little boy rolled around the floor in pain and scram "Thank you kind sir! You are truly a good man!"

Pushing the door open The pope saw him immediately

"Jesus!"

"I thought you were dead!"

"Well you thought wrong."

"I’ve come to bring to bring you back to father"

"What?"

"I’ve come to kill you"

"Oh have you?" You’ll have to get through him first!"

Suddenly in front of Jesus stood Gandhi

Gandhi in a meek voice said "I’m a peaceful person but I saw what you did to that boy and am here to return the favor"

Thunk!

A swift kick in the balls brought Jesus to his knees. The tiny man then proceeded to beat him mercilessly all the while laughing a wicked laugh

Hee! Hee! Hee Hee! Hee!

Almost to the point of death Jesus saw Gandhi preparing to stomp his face out but reacting quickly he grabbed Gandhi leg and tore it off and while Gandhi wailed on the floor in agony Jesus ,bruised and covered in blood, scram "You don’t have a leg to stand on"

Holding the leg he then proceeded to beat him with it but instead of cries of pain he heard cries of laughter.

“It’s not over yet” cackled ghandi

“come forth my minions!”

Then the sounds of tiny pattering feet neared until standing before Jesus were the legendary Girl Scouts his heart instantly stopped he’d heard stories of them kicking puppies, biting the heads off babies and raping clowns.

"The plague of mankind!" He whispered

Jesus you’re gonna die! screamed the leader of the gang

I’m gonna put an end to your reign of terror you bastard children of Satan! He said forcefully.

But before he could finish his sentence a baseball bat to the knees brought him down

"What’s wrong Jesus Can’t rise up the occasion?" Asked the leader before kicking him in the face.

"You forget my misbegotten children" he said with a pained voice

"What’s that?" Asked the disinterested leader

"I’m packing!"

Rising up quickly he pulled out two pistols and shot in a 360 motion; all around him flew green blood and the bodies of the girl scouts. Sneaking up behind him ghadi grabbed his torn leg and smacked him across his back so hard the pain forced him to blackout .Waking up after awhile he felt a new pain this time in his ass then a hand suddenly pulled him closer turning around he saw the most horrific thing ever ghandi was naked.

"Did you just rape me?" "I’m f**king Jesus!" "you can’t rape me!" He said in a state of disbelief

He! He! He! laughed ghandi

"DAMN YOU!"

Jumping up quickly he pounced on ghandi and started to pummel him, his tears mixing with the blood. Pulling up ghandi he scram something unintelligibly then punched him in the stomach so hard the lower part of ghandi’s body tore off and flew into a dark corner. Still crying Jesus quietly said “you’re not half the man I am”

Walking forward to the office of the pope he stopped when he heard the engine of the pope’s thunderbird 78 roar. Running back to the front of the Vatican he saw the pope off in the distance flipping him off with a manic laugh thinking he’d gotten away.

Up Up Up and away! bellowed Jesus as he flew into the sky.

Reaching the pope’s Thunderbird he sat beside him and asked “why’d you send berry to try to kill me”

I’m sorry but it was orders from your pops he cried

"From father?" He exclaimed

He said he wanted his hippy son dead! he yelped

"Pope tell my father something"

“What” he asked

"I’m coming for him" he said sternly

Patting the pope on back he uttered shazzam!

Instantly turning the pope’s blood into wine and killing him instantly. Flying up he watched the thunderbird dive off a cliff and explode.

With Tears flowing down his eyes he said “it’s time”
Which gifts for X\'mas?
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story Information

Upload Date: 31/12/1969

Downloads: 1176

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