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Bittersweet Love

They always wanna know why I don't care about anything that happens anymore. They wanted to know what was wrong with me. They wonder why my birthday doesn't matter or why I refuse to take pictures. It's actually quite simple. My happiness leads to suffering. For that reason I cut off my emotions, certain to never cause myself anymore suffering. It's sad but for the longest of time, it actually worked.

That was until I met him.

The day I met him I noticed I felt something. At first it meant nothing. My heart felt, but my mind still was stuck in that stage. But then he told me it was okay. He said he'd always be there if I needed him. He said I was safe. It wasn't long. It didn't take long. Everyone was telling me. And it was true. So one day I told him. "I... am in love with you." It was a confession to him and to myself. My feelings were back. And for the first time in my life I was happy for a long time. I miss him when he's gone. I wake up thinking of him and fall asleep hoping he'll sleep well. He's always on my mind. I need him.

I don't know when or why it happened. All I know is that it did. I guess I got frightened that something bad would happened. I began to pull away from him. Unknown to me at the time, all that did was hurt him. We fixed it though. We began to talk once more. And I wanted to be with him forever even more. I wanted him so bad that it began to hurt. It hurt because I couldn't have him. It hurt so bad. I didn't tell him this though. This was a secret for me alone. I'd plaster that ever-happy, nothing-is-wrong smile and act as if I weren't killing myself on the inside. And I guess it was okay for the most part. But there was a part that threatened my own life.

"Everytime I see myself in the mirror, I want to shatter the thing; I want to rip every picture of myself."

I want to wipe myself out of existance.I haven't said it yet. I'm saving it for the next time that I see him. I already know what he's gonna say: "Wait... What? Why?! No! You can't! You can't..." I'm not sure what to say after that. It's a bad time again. It's a time of pain again. I don't want to give up. I want to spend forever with him. I know it's pathetic. I only have to wait a few years. But those few years... the thought of them scare me. A lot can happen in one year, can I make it through more? Are we willing enough? I know I would wait for him; but will he wait for me?

I dressed up for him again. I'm sitting on the white sofa, waiting for the doorbell that tells me he is here for me. To see me. To spend some of his precious time with me. I'm going to whisper it sometime tonight. "My prince... I need you to save me again." You'll ask me if I said something and I'll smile and shake my head telling him it was nothing. I just hope he'll figure it out on his own again and save me before it's too late. Just like he did all those times before.

"Are you okay...?" I won't answer, but I don't need to. He already know the answer.

"Tell me what's wrong..." I still won't answer. I won't reply. Not until he's on the same verge of sadness of me. What I say next will confuse him.

"I need you..."

I can already see the look on his face. "What..?"

"I love you. I want you. I need you."

I don't know what will happen after that. I'm waiting for him to tell me. I hope he tells me something like he always does. But I'm fearing the occasional silence. It scares me.

Help me...

I know you can't hear my thoughts, but just look at me and try. It's not that hard...
Hilarious Birds
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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

Downloads: 1751

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