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So cold. So lonely. Just want to be held in someone's arms.

I don't know what it is, but everytime I miss a day of school, if I'm sick or whatever, my friends seem to care a lot. But when they miss school, everyone's like, "Eh, whatever." So why must people care that I'm there? What's the big deal? I don't understand it. It's not like they can't have fun without me. I mean, it's not like I'm the source of all their happiness. Come on, I'm depressed. I can't stand the little quirks they have, those little things they do, those little noises they make, or even when they lean on my shoulder. It bugs me that I can't take things lightly. It bugs me that I'm trying to figure out what's behind my name, who I am, and what bugs me even more, is the fact that I'm trying to take it day by day and I can't.


Who am I? Can anyone tell me? Please help me. I'm calling out your name.


I wish there was someone who could tell me why I get so annoyed and angry by what someone does. It'll be as simple as singing out loud, and they can't sing at all. I should be happy, and sing along with them, becuase I can't hold a tune myself. But no, I get all annoyed and tell them to stuff it, PLEASE. It's not nice. I know it. I feel bad afterwards. I regret my mood swings. But I hate when people swing at me. So I know what it's like, I wish I could think before I speak, think before I act, think about everything. Think about nothing.


I'm tired of thinking. I'm tried of trying to who everyone wants me to be. Let me go...please, just let me go...


I wish, when I'm in a good mood, everyone else could be too. But oh no, it seems, when I'm in a good mood, no one else is. And they're all glaring at me, like I'm some baffoon. It's not fair, because they're spoiling my mood. And it's not fair for everyone else to be happy when I'm all so dead. I don't get it. I don't know how to put it. But when I'm happy, I'm wishing everyone else was, because when they aren't, my mood is going down into the drains, and I can no longer speak my happy words. I'm slipping away. Slowly, my friends, the people in my life, they're strangling me. I don't know why, and I sure don't know how they're doing it. But they are. They're sucking the life of me out and I don't know why. It just makes me want to cry...But I've banned myself from crying. It makes me feel weak, small and helpless. So, no crying today. Maybe in fifty years I'll break down into tears. But not today.


I wish I could let a tear fall, it'd make my world seem okay. To let it all out. Who am I? Why am I strangling? Doesn't anyone want to kiss me goodnight?


I wish I had someone there, who I could count on to spill my soul. But I don't want to have to lean on someone. I like to try to be independant, because you never want to be the person to need someone and get the disapointment that they aren't there. But everyone comes to me, to talk to me, I never get talk back, just listen. I hate it, because I'm the one everyone is depended on. I'm the one who's always got to be prepared, the one who everyone looks at for answers. I'm the one person that I don't want to be. Stuck. I really wish I could turn around and redo some things. Be that annoying badassed girl. Because her life looks so much easier than mine, it looks so much less confusing then mine. I just want someone to care. Because if I died, everyone can find someone else to depend on, they can find another prepared girl, they can find another person to go to for answers. I wish this girl wasn't me.


Leave me be, leave me alone. Please, can't you see? I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to disappear....
Not YOU!

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Upload Date: 31/12/1969

Downloads: 1301

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